We find out dad has cancer...

I remember talking to dad the first part of February 2009, just to check in and dad telling me about his scans and the results. I had actually talked to mom first and she said why don't you call your dad and say hi to him. I knew dad was heading down to California to spend a month and a half with Grandma Takano and since I couldn't remember when dad was leaving I figured I'd ask him about when he was leaving. 

Dad had gone to the doctor for shoulder pain and unbeknownst to me had needed to get MRI, PET, and CAT scans...

 

When I talked to dad, it was our normal, "How you doing?" Dad's response was something along the lines of not so good. When I made a casual comment about that that was a bummer to hear, dad began to go into the results of the scans. I remember hearing "spots on liver and kidney" and "mass in the center of chest". I remember feeling really confused and trying to sort everything out. Dad kept referring to "it" and it suddenly occurred to me that dad was talking about cancer. I finally just came out and said to my dad, "you've got cancer, don't you?" Almost in an accusatory tone...like, "why aren't you just telling point blank what's going on". 

To add to my anxiety over what was going on, Suzanne was in the Phillipines. She's the one that can look at the doctor reports and explain everything in a way that makes sense. My parents live in Beaverton and I knew they couldn't adequately answer all of the questions racing through my mind and I am not with them to read the paperwork myself to attempt to make heads or tails of things...

Dad told me that "it" was spread all over and that he had decided to go to California anyway. He wanted to spend time with Grandma before he knew for sure what kind of cancer and what stage he was at. At least for him, not knowing where he was with cancer meant that he could go and not have the weight of everything about cancer hanging over him. As hard as it was for me, I forced myself to be supportive of dad. As much as I wanted him to stay home to figure out what was going on, trips to take care of grandma were important to him and he was going whether any of us wanted him to or not.

In talking to my friend Jana, I found out that the best thing for dad to do was to take charge and that it was good for him to be going to grandma's because that's what HE wanted. 

Coincidentally, mom was scheduled to have surgery shortly after dad left for CA. Little did we know that the timing of that would be crucial for things to come.