Hard to believe that nearly a year to the date that we found out that dad has cancer, our little Madeline was born (February 3, 2010). As part of our family tradition of Grandpa Takano giving us Japanese names, dad gave Madeline the name of Sachiko...happiness child. The name suits her, she is happy, but it is also what she has done for our family. We are all happy because of her. Dad, who was supposed to only live 3-6 months, has clearly beaten that timeline. Once dad beat the six month mark, I began to have little life time benchmarks for him...just make it to Thanksgiving, just make it to Christmas, just make it to New Years, just make it to your birthday, just make it to your granddaughter's birth. Well, he did all that and then some (it's now May). In my mind, I still plan for the time that he may take a turn for the worse and/or die, but I no longer live in daily fear that this is dad's last day...making sure that I have paid time set aside for when I may need to be there to help with care or even just to spend time with him. I love it when I hear from my mom that he says that he'll see Madeline walk. Or, that dad has a special bike picked out for her. He clearly is planning on living and as much as I believe in the power of prayer, I also believe that there is something to be said for thinking positively. My dad has no idea how proud I am of him for putting up such a fight.
Prior to spring break (as a teacher, my calendar is based on the school year, not January to December. LOL!), Madeline and I went to visit dad. This visit coincided with a visit to Dad's cancer doctor. Once I orientated myself to the scan (it's not like an x-ray and the pictures are taken in sections which were actually "backwards"), it was overwhelming seeing dad's cancer on the screen. There it was. It suddenly occurred to me how much my dad had hidden from me in previous months. Probably a parental protection since I was pregnant and he didn't want me stressing while pregnant. But still, there it was...in a lot of places.
Following that visit, I went to see my school district superintendent and our district HR director...I already knew that I wanted to take the remainder of the school year off to be home with Madeline longer...but, I also shared with both of them that I had actually seen dad's cancer on the scan. I never doubted it was there, but it just seemed more real. In a nutshell, they both supported the fact that I needed more mommy-time and the flexibility to be with my dad as much as possible. As difficult as it was to admit to myself, I don't have the dedication to the job right now that I need in order to be a great principal. My dedication is to my daughter and my family. Fortunately, for me, the superintendent and HR director get "it" and granted me a leave of absence from being an administrator and assigned me to a 6th grade teaching position. (Note: teaching isn't easier and there's no doubt that teachers put in a tremendous amount of time and energy into what they do. But, for me, the schools in my district deserve leaders that are willing to give 110%...I'm no longer there. My family has to come first).
So, as I think back to last spring at this time, I was in Beaverton nearly every weekend with my dad...each weekend was going to be the last time I saw him. Around this time, last year, Madeline was conceived. And, I learned the most important lesson of all...I cannot let so much time go by when it comes to spending time with my family. If anything, dad's cancer has brought us closer together and it's not a gift I'm willing to waste.
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